diverse - daca au mai fost ....
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0 0Gheo si Maria vin seara de la cosit. Si cum mergeau ei asa, pe marginea drumului, numai ce trece pe langa ei un motociclist. Maria priveste dupa el peste umar si urla:
- Gheooo!
- No, tu, fa, de ce tipi?
- Mi-e frica, Gheo! Tu ai vazut motociclistul ce-a trecut pe langa noi?
- D-apai, l-am vazut.
- Ma, Gheo, ma, n-avea cap!
- Tulai, doar n-oi fi nebuna! Cum sa n-aibe cap?
Mai merg ei ce mai merg, si iar trece pe langa ei un motociclist.
Maria se-ntoarce dupa el si urla:
- Gheooo! Nici asta n-are cap!
- Tulai, fa, n-oi fi nebuna, cum sa n-aibe cap?
Iar mai merg un pic si iar trece pe langa ei un motociclist. Maria urla iar:
- Gheo! Ma, mi-e frica, ma! Nici asta n-are cap!
Gheo statu putin, se gandi ce se gandi si zise:
- Fa, Marie, ia muta tu coasa pe umarul celalalt!
Ambasadorul irakian la Natiunile Unite tocmai a terminat un discurs si iese pe hol, unde se intalneste cu presedintele Bush. Isi strang mainile si irakianul zice:
- Stiti, am si eu o intrebare apropo de cultura Americii.
- Excelenta, daca pot sa va ajut o sa o fac cu mare placere, raspunde Bush.
- Fiul meu se uita la filmul asta, Star Trek, si acolo sunt si rusi, si negri, si asiatici, dar niciodata arabi.
La care presedintele Bush rade, se apleaca la urechea irakianului si-i sopteste:
- Pai asta e din cauza ca actiunea se petrece in viitor...
The couple has been married only two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, can't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
"Honey," says he to his new bride, "I'll be right back..."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asks the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."
"You want a beer, My Love?"
She opens the refrigerator door shows him 25 different brands of beer from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, including six places he's never even heard of. The husband is nonplussed, and all he can think to say is,
"Yes, Honey Pie, but the bar you know...the frozen glass..." He hasn't finished the sentence before wifey interrupts him by saying,
"You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She hands him a mug out of the freezer that is so cold that it burns his fingers
"Yes, Tootsie Roll," hubby says a bit desperately, "but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right
back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Pookie Pooh?" She opens the oven and removes 15 different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But, Sweetie, Honey...at the bar...you know...the swearing, the dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? Here...DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR FROZEN FUCKING MUG AND EAT YOUR FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?!!"
Era odata un tanar care cand era mic vroia sa se faca un "mare" scriitor.
Cand i s-a cerut sa defineasca "mare" a spus:
"Vreau sa scriu chestii pe care sa le citeasca toata lumea, chestii la care lumea sa reactioneze emotional, lucruri care sa-i faca sa strige, sa planga, sa urle, sa se zbata de durere, disperare si manie!"
Acum lucreaza pentru Microsoft si scrie mesaje de eroare...
A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car Salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights Flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly gentleman as he floored it to 110mph, then 120, then 130mph.
Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this Nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday -
